Phone boxes

27 June 08

Older readers of this column will undoubtedly recall the Tardis, which was Dr Who's chosen method of time-travel.

 

What made this object particularly delightful as a symbol of ultra-high-technology was its quaint and ancient appearance.  Even to the eyes of a child like me in the 1960s, this phone box looked pretty antiquated.  But one step inside, and you were suddenly transported with the good doctor to who knows where – thereby proving that solid English Victorian engineering was capable of more miracles than Brunel ever imagined.  Forty years on, I fear that our friends at Ofcom are not showing quite the same degree of imagination. 

 

We are all very aware of the disappearance of village schools, village pubs and village shops.  And, of course, many of us are at work trying to save as many as possible of our village post offices.  But we now face a new onslaught.  This time, it is the phone boxes that are under threat.

 

All over West Dorset, there are phone boxes scheduled for closure. 

 

Ofcom does have rules about this, and (at least at first sight) the rules sound pretty good. 

 

Ofcom has stated that:

 

1.            BT must not take boxes away from deprived and rural areas;

2.            it must keep them in busy areas; and

3.            it will only be allowed to take away a call box where there is more than one on the same site.

 

But, if these rules really mean anything, I am at a loss to understand why we are seeing so many of our rural phone boxes come under threat.  As far as I can see, almost all of the boxes which are scheduled for closure actually fall into the categories that are meant to be protected.

 

The fundamental problem, I suspect, is our old friend, rural-blindness. 

 

If you spend your working days in an office block in London, it seems almost inconceivable that there should be anyone anywhere in Britain who lacks access to mobile phones and a dozen other speedy and convenient forms of telecommunication. 

 

But, if you live in many West Dorset villages, you can't properly access broadband, and you have to go outside and take a long walk to get a mobile signal.  So there are – however unimaginable this may seem to people in the Ofcom office block – people living in West Dorset villages who are elderly and vulnerable, and who can be completely cut off if their phone line goes dead for some reason and there is no call box in the village.

 

Surely, what we need is the spirit of Dr Who.  Let's re-christen these ancient Victorian edifices.  Let's call them "Multi-Modal and Emergency Rural Communications Centres" (or MMERCCs for short).

 

I admit the MMERCCs don't sound quite as futuristic as the Tardis – but they could contain proper satellite broadband, a computer screen for internet access and, of course, emergency telephone access.  We might then have a 21^st century version of the payphone happily installed in rural West Dorset.

 

Worth a thought?